october

14/10/2015
guess its time to write something, to let stuff out, because life is kinda crazy and i have doen everything for it to go right and yet somehow something manages to go wrong. which sucks. a might be moving in next summer, which owuld be incredible because i need him close,he is supposed to be sleeping over this weekend, M said she'll see, which he reckons is yes and im hoping it is because he hasnt slept over in ages, and we both need this.
I went to see him at his school and she found about because someone told someone who told someone etc etc and apparently they weren't very happy about it. which makes me laugh because it has shit all to do with them what i do with my time. or my money, A told me that the reasson she doesnt like me is because i don thave a stable job and im not in a stable situation blah blah blah. which really really fucks me off bbecause i work my arse off when i work, and i then work really hard to get a job to find out what i want to do and yet it is never enough for her. she has the cheek to tell me that yet i think right now my situation is fairly stable. she doesnt have a job, they have less money than i do and yet they still treat themselves to things like restaurants quite frequently, and just spend money in ways that they shouldnt. it really annoys me, A asked me to marry him, do his parents know? of course not. he is still too scared, at 19 years old i get that, but that he isnt allowed ot do what he wants with his free time, that he isnt allowed to come and see me an afternoon because he told his dad is was pasta instead of rice is quite frankly ridiculous. and it does my head in, and yet he cant say or do anything. i  just hope we will be better parents than his are...
anyways.. i dont really know what else to write, its getting late out here and i dont want to go to bed really late.. got some stuff to do tomorrow. maybe ill write more tomoz.

26/10/2015
la vraie vie est triste, il n'y a pas d'autres façons de le dire. le monde est triste, cruel, méchant. des fois dans la vie il y a des rayons de soleil, comme des parents, la famille, les amis, son chéri, son petit chez soi. bébé chat, la cathédrale, sirop de grenadine. les souvenirs de sa mère, les gateaux qu'elle faisait. to come home from school and for the entire house to smell of cakes, to steal hot chocolate chip buns off of the top of the oven. re-decorating my bedroom, being taught how to paint by my mum. i learnt so much from her. not to give up. to try and be happy, positive even when life sucks and gives you the worst hand ever to be dealt