calme ta joie.

Life has changed again. back on my own, which im liking so far. its weird, but good weird, time to be me, relax, have fun. i think everything happens for a reason, and all the trouble im getting myself into at the moment is showing me that i need to be more careful where i spend money, where i place my trust, my love etc...
I've grown up more in the last three months than i did in the whole past three years.

So I wrote this ^ well that, in January.. woops.
Things have changed back ahhggaaaaiiin since then. Got A back, I never really wrote or told anyone what was going on in my head while we weren't together,
It was 6 weeks. A month and a half in which i did some crazy stuff, maybe not crazy, stupid, tried to forget him, anything and everything was worth a go. I thought he didn't give two hoots, turns out I was wrong. He meanwhile was talking to all of our friends about me, asking what I was doing, if I was okay etc. and to everyone around I was brilliant, I am so good at making others think life is oh so fantastic, I fill all my social medias with positive things that people don't question if I really I am alright, and it turned out I wasn't okay, I was still am ever so in love with A.
So... skip the break up, me shouting at him and finding out rubbish things, over reacting and getting ever so angry.
to the new me i managed to find. I realised that my life had been previously lived in trying to please others, that i wasn't living for me, I was living for everyone else.
so yeah. got my life back on track, and then worked so hard, i've been working in the supermarket, petrol station, giving private english lessons, got my new job in a kitchen, decided i want to go further in education because i am capable of so much more than where i am now, and while im young and can still learn stuff super easy i need to go further, and prove so many people wrong, i'm doing it already. every day i do something i'm proud of, A is proud of me, because of how far i've come while we weren't together, we needed it, and now its as if we were always together. this is me basically saying to future Lucy, don't cock life up. Listen to the one's that love you, listen to A, do not take him for granted, because man we both know how shite it was without him.
So kiss, laugh, live, love, eat food, drink monaco with margaux and max, just be happy, it's for you.
i need to go, but im going to carry this on soon.