next blog post. 31.05.2014

It’s another one of those days where I am procrastinating far too much, but I need a break from revising, so I've started to write. What I'm going to write about I don't really know, but the joy of writing on Microsoft word is it autocorrects most stuff, so if I write I in lower case it changes it, I love the way that technology can do that, yeah sure sometimes it can change it to a word you didn’t actually want to say, and then you go back and try and change it a million times before it actually gets the right word but hey, that’s what life’s about, going back and correcting the mistakes, or just leaving them as they are because it still makes sense. I then I just realised that is a beast of a sentence and that writing sentences that long should be prohibited because it should be.

I’m going to a communion tomorrow, I don't really know what to expect, other than I'm apparently going to get bored, and have a million questions asked. It’s one of the boyfriends cousins, and I'm kinda shitting it because all his fam will be there and I think I'm just gonna panic… so long as he stays with me hopefully I’ll be okay. :L I have to look nice, so my outfit of the day tomorrow is my one shoulder miso dress, a cream/beige cardigan, and my ballerinas that stay on, I thought about heels and then was like naaaah don't know how well heels would go down in a big catholic family :L hair will be down, probably gonna straighten it, might leave a few curls in, lick of mascara and away you go. I'm kinda looking forward to it, I think his grandma is going to be there, and she’s Portuguese and is just lovely.

Been using Retrica quite a bit recently, it’s great for getting pictures of all of me, because I can just set the timer, and then I know what I look like :L and I hate not having a clue of what I look like :L means I don't have to take a video every time I want to know how an outfit looks. Found some cracking pictures on my laptop which are just hilarious, really made me laugh.

Just got to 1000 photos on my iPod, not bad considering before it got nicked and they had all been deleted I had just over 3000 on there :$ The wifi isn’t working today, I reckon they must need it off to work on the house, but I'm gonna go find out what that’s all about because I wanna check Instagram, and upload this, and I have emails to reply to.

Over&Out

I dare you to be mean to me.

So just decided to check I still had this thing. I'm procrastinating too much :L 

College is going really well, marks are good, the class finally seems to have sorted out all of its issues, I've got an adorable boyfriend that loves me too bits and I am just exceedingly happy right now. 
Seeing the psychiatrist has helped I think, I try to think of others more, which is what was bothering people, I wouldn't have ever described myself as being selfish, I mean I thought that I was caring when it came to other people, but yeah never mind, I'm improving, that's what is important.

I've learnt to focus more on all the great things that are happening, not on the worse things that have happened or could happen, and I think it helps, focusing on the fact that the sun is shining through the clouds if you want a metaphor.  

I've been doing more stuff recently, which makes me happy, spending time and money to buy things with my friends, or to go to the cinema seems like it can only be a good thing. 

Been back and forth from England like a yo-yo of late, exams and weddings and parties and family, and wedding dresses, my sister is getting married, they plan for it to be next summer, and I cannot wait, I am so excited and proud of the both of them, our brother is going to give her away, and I just know our mum will be there with us. 

I am still losing weight, and its fantastic, the thrill I get from not fitting into my prom dress which was too small for me a few years back makes me so so happy. Having to have a ring made smaller so it fits me is brilliant, as weird as I realise it may sound being able to see where my bones are is lovely.

I was 16 when I came to France, I have no idea how much I weighed, I just know that right now I am happier than I have been in a long time, sure I still have my down days, everyone does, but I've gained experience, lost kg's and found happiness. One of my cousins got married recently, and he said something to me that made me smile. He looked at me, and said 'Lucy... what happened... you've got a face, your quite a pretty girl!!' These few simple words were perfect. They meant I didn't care what anyone thought of me dancing like a maniac with my little cousins, I was too happy. 

So try and put me down big world, 
society say what you like about me, 
I dare you to be mean to me. 

Because at the end of the day when I get into my bed, all I hear is the sound of the river, the rain on the roof, and all the good things that I get to see everyday. 
Because at the end of the day I'm loved, needed and wanted. 
And the end of the day, I serve a purpose.