NewYear.&missingmum

i haven't written anything in ages. im slightly disappointed with myself. its not that i haven't had time or anything because i have, its more a case of just not being bothered, which again isn't all that great.. so as a New Years resolution im going to try and write every week. it might last it might not. we shall see. i cant remember what i last wrote so i will just say im still loving scuba diving, its absolutely fantastic and i have never enjoyed something more, and then New Years Eve, i went out to this dance thing, which was amazing i learnt how to do a dance called a Scottish, Polka and bit of a Waltz, definitely going to go again, so watch this space.. :)

my grandma  and grandad stayed for Christmas and new year this year and for the first time in a while i have really hated and missed not having a mum. not just a thought every day about her, but a constant ache; a realisation that im never going to have a mum again. there is only one person that has come close to being like another mum to me, i dont want to name names but still.. she is lovely and i miss her tonnes. but at the end if the day shes not my mum and never will be.

i miss england and sometimes i just think i cannot wait to go to college, because i really think it would be great fun... i would be reasonably independent; be able to see my friends more frequently; have my own little house for a bit, it would be just what i need, admittedly i do like being looked after, well kind of looked after but i absolutely adored being independent; before mum died i did stuff to help, i did most of the cooking some cleaning etc, but mum would always help. then after she died my step dad just expected me to do everything which really upset me because i needed help, i really struggled doing it all on my own... i now am not expected to do it all.. which is nice in some ways but in others i dont like it as much.. i wish things could be how they were before mum died, we worked together, a team, it was us against the world. i had different friends, not that there's anything wrong with the current ones but they knew more. understood more, didnt need to ask if i was ok, they knew. and just to top things off my step-dad is remarrying in 2 days time. not that he bothered to tell me, i heard on facebook. 3 months after he got engaged, which was 2 months after my mum died. 

i try looking on the bright side of things and yes admittedly things at the moment are going well generally, my new room is being built, im enrolled in college out here in france, but i just miss my old life so much. i hope things sort themselves out and i enjoy the life i've been given. i'll try and keep you updated. till then. Over&Out.