L

the letter 'L'.
Location
Luck
Love
Life
Lucy.

My location is France.
Luck is believing your lucky; I believe I am.
L'amour vient à qui sait attendre.  “I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”
"Life is what happens to you when your busy making other plans" - John Lennon.

Lucy. Me, myself and I. that's all there is to it, ask someone else they'll give you a different answer. it's tricky, I get told if I don't believe in or have confidence in myself, how can I ever expect anybody else to have faith in me. Anybody else to have confidence in my ability to do something. People say im strong for how I've come out the other side of one of the hardest times of my life; and yet I could not have done it with the amazingly good friends I've had and made along the way. Emily. was always there for me, made the effort, and I don't know how on earth I could have ever got this far without her. but then along the way I met other people, made other new friends and lost the old ones.
Probably the worst thing about moving to France was the false promises made to me, people I used to class as incredibly good friends; 'we'll stay in contact, I promise', only they never did stay in contact, and well I haven't made any friends out here either, yes I love France, and when people ask me how things are out here yes they are great, but I distinctly lack friends. That said, in the last year I have gained two incredibly good friends.
Ash - met her in October 2011, everyone said we were 'twins' of each other. so I wasn't looking forward to meeting her that much and her not looking forward to it either. But we met and 'clicked' talk as much as possible and unlike other people that claim to my best friend she makes the effort to talk to me, as does the next person.
Lewis - I don't even know when it was I met Lewis.. but I remember him standing on the corner next to that bank in a grey coat with too many pockets. the first thing I said was 'you don't look anything like your Facebook picture' because he didn't. his picture at the time was a highly animated smile, he was in the snow. we went to Burger King, we being Lewis, Ash, Abi, Alex, Dan and myself maybe Louis, I had a Chicken Royale. we went to H&M and tried on about 10 different hats, it was hilarious. we went to the cinema, I think we saw Chronicle. it was good. don't remember much else.. we then went 'ONLINE' and basically know each other through MSN, we talk quite often, its a ritual, around 8 en France both sign in to MSN, or if I'm on Facebook he's learnt it tends to mean I'm on MSN. we webcam, but we keep our clothes on. we talk, and do other stuff at the same time. my uncle said what's the point in being on webcam if you do other stuff, my argument, I love lewis to bits but I do not just want to stare at him constantly that would be verrrrry creepy. we're jokingly engaged. he makes me laugh, cheers me up when I need it, and will listen to me rant about anything. your an important chum Pooh, hope you know it. <3

Over&Out.

idontevenknow.

i am so i don't know even know at the moment, im stressing so unnecessarily and im constantly tense no not tense.. tight.. it is so difficult to even attempt to explain because i personally dont understand it at all. it makes no sense. things are going damnably well at the moment.

im going to get an iPod touch, and i have been saving up for it out of my pocket money; since about September, but obviously i have been spending my pocket money on tonnes of other stuff, like decopatch. and well my uncle has said that because i have been doing work experience and working well and not complaining about it; SO he is going to pay for some of it and get me the 64GB one instead of the 32GB i was planning within my budget. so im super thankful and very happy about it and yet im still not stressed but something and i cant figure out what. its just annoying me now.
 ans my room in the loft is coming along really well, and the second room. 'sam's bedroom' (sam is my brother) is beamed on the floor and going well too. so my room is going brilliantly and my friends are coming out in the summer and so is my brother so i should be buzzing and yet im still not happy.
but yeah. im going to eat a roast dinner. talk to lewis. and then go to bed. end of.

Over&Out.

i dont believe BUT...

i don't believe in God really.. and yet i just prayed for someone's health to be returned to them. an entire stranger. miles across the sea. in a different time zone. with a different story, a family another life. and yet reading her blog, i wished her all the happiness. because she deserved it. i closed my eyes and prayed for her.

but i don't think i believe in God.
so who am i praying to?

Summer

omgeee sooo buzzing for the summer, having some chums out hopefully, which should be good, fingers crossed my brother will be coming out here, which would be absolutely amazing as i hardly see him now, hope to see my sister at some point too, if she and her boyfriend can come out, because i dont really see her either. should be doing lots more work on my new room too. i haven't written a blog in ages but i just haven't for one or another reason.
Just spent the most fantastic week-end in the south of france, in a small place called Carry-le-Rouet, right on the sea, it was beautiful, i loved have spent a week-end ridiculously happy, scuba diving; seeing 2 octopi, tonnes of starfish some sea cucumbers, sea urchins, loads of fishies, eaten well and just really enjoyed myself, a huge thanks you to my aunty and uncle for letting me go and paying the not to cheap price thanks :)
got the rest of this week off and then im working in a garden centre for 2 weeks.
Happy blogging. Ciao.

Him.

The word 'him" means so may things to me.. and all of them are different. to some people if you were to say 'him' they would think you were talking about God; im not. some people would say their husbands or boyfriends, sons, fathers, uncles, grandads. im not talking about any of these.

there once was a very all over the place Lucy.. actually she kind of still is but shes more real you could say.. and there was this boy that really liked her and she really liked this boy. then the boy told Lucy.. and she felt so happy, she thought he would protect her from the wicked step-father.. be there whenever she needed him.. and he promised he would. then his dad said he needed to focus. he couldnt have Lucy; she would be a distraction. (well this is what Lucy was told)
so all of a sudden Lucy went from being the happiest girl; to one of the most disappointed girls.. only a year on, Lucy cant forget. she wants to have real butterflies. someone to keep her safe.
Lucy then:   : D Lucy now:  :/


IN OTHER NEWS.


i now go to a french college which is fun, made some new friends, also good :) ummmmhh im staying in france for another year, maybe 2 because i want to go to university and so i need to do some a levels- by correspondence :D cant be bothered to right much more because i my new bedroom window has been built and i need to varnish the shutters :)


Over&Out. <3

Belief.

just sitting at home this evening and thinking i have nothing i truly believe in, i believe in something; this much i know but what it is i have never been able to quite place. So i got thinking and talking with my uncle and aunt and somehow the pilgrimage "Camino de Santiago" came up and i researched it and read more into it and looked at the map and thought yeah, i could do this, i want to do it. *excuse the following cliches* a journey of self discovery, find out who i am, because freely admitting this i have no idea who i am. i know where im from and other stuff like that but who I actually am, my true personality, strengths weaknesses, im not all that sure about. i think this would be a truly enlightening experience; in more ways than one.

firstly because i would learn much more about myself, maybe it would change me for the better. hope fully definitely not for the worse. i would come back refreshed healthy, and maybe with something confirmed in my beliefs. im seriously thinking about doing it just taking a month out and walking, seeing a few sights of Spain and meeting a few nice people along the way. i'm sleepy now and im going to go to bed, but i will keep you updated, who thinks i should do it? Over and Out.  

NewYear.&missingmum

i haven't written anything in ages. im slightly disappointed with myself. its not that i haven't had time or anything because i have, its more a case of just not being bothered, which again isn't all that great.. so as a New Years resolution im going to try and write every week. it might last it might not. we shall see. i cant remember what i last wrote so i will just say im still loving scuba diving, its absolutely fantastic and i have never enjoyed something more, and then New Years Eve, i went out to this dance thing, which was amazing i learnt how to do a dance called a Scottish, Polka and bit of a Waltz, definitely going to go again, so watch this space.. :)

my grandma  and grandad stayed for Christmas and new year this year and for the first time in a while i have really hated and missed not having a mum. not just a thought every day about her, but a constant ache; a realisation that im never going to have a mum again. there is only one person that has come close to being like another mum to me, i dont want to name names but still.. she is lovely and i miss her tonnes. but at the end if the day shes not my mum and never will be.

i miss england and sometimes i just think i cannot wait to go to college, because i really think it would be great fun... i would be reasonably independent; be able to see my friends more frequently; have my own little house for a bit, it would be just what i need, admittedly i do like being looked after, well kind of looked after but i absolutely adored being independent; before mum died i did stuff to help, i did most of the cooking some cleaning etc, but mum would always help. then after she died my step dad just expected me to do everything which really upset me because i needed help, i really struggled doing it all on my own... i now am not expected to do it all.. which is nice in some ways but in others i dont like it as much.. i wish things could be how they were before mum died, we worked together, a team, it was us against the world. i had different friends, not that there's anything wrong with the current ones but they knew more. understood more, didnt need to ask if i was ok, they knew. and just to top things off my step-dad is remarrying in 2 days time. not that he bothered to tell me, i heard on facebook. 3 months after he got engaged, which was 2 months after my mum died. 

i try looking on the bright side of things and yes admittedly things at the moment are going well generally, my new room is being built, im enrolled in college out here in france, but i just miss my old life so much. i hope things sort themselves out and i enjoy the life i've been given. i'll try and keep you updated. till then. Over&Out.